i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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