he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
