i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
