We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
