this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
