I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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