i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
