I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
