thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
