Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
