she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
