He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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