the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I believe in your delicious
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
