just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh god it's open bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
