what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
