what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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