You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
