i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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