so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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