you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
