Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
