Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
