Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
