I'm gonna have a badass scar
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
