I cockslap morals
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
