Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
