Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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