i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
