stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
