I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
