I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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