I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
handjob tips. give me some.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
