Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
accomplished twins. life is a go
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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