either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
