We won't sleep together?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
