I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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