I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
