why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
