That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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