In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
