You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
