I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
