I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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