Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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