So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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