So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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