I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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