Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
