Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
