I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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