I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
