Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
