i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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