im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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