How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
