He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
