So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
