i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The uberlube is also flammable
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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