So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
