I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Come on in and take your pants off
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