you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
